Within all forms of art, I believe it is customary for artists to reach a point where they find themselves fighting with their artwork. For some, it's an inevitable turning point that separates the weak from the passionate. You want to be so good that nothing you produce is ever good enough, and you are faced with the temptation to let it go for the sake of sanity or to fight for the sake of love.
Although I can’t ever remember a clear moment in my career where I harmoniously danced with photography, considering that the struggle always lurked in the undertone of my doubts, the altercation became more vigorous after I had graduated from my post secondary studies. For years, I had felt a stand still in my progression in photography but the fact that I was working towards a degree gave validation to my distraction. So the closing of my education (for the time being) made it unbearably difficult to avoid the lack of excuses I had anymore. There was a sudden burst of pressure to meet my own expectations of myself, and so, the fight with photography intensified.
I was forced to sit with the discomfort of my own making, stare it right in the face, become vulnerable to it and helplessly attempt to problem solve through trial and error. I must admit, I was very reluctant on the error component of that notion. I really didn’t want to leave room for error because to me, I had already lost so much time, and at 22 years old, I had to make up for the years I missed out on. I wanted to blink and find myself exactly where I wanted to be within my art, and for that, I didn't have the luxury of error. Hence the damaging weight of pressure.
As the brawl escalated towards obstructive discouragement, I eventually and gradually realized that it was the fear of error, the fear of producing bad art, that had deterred my growth so badly. In the words of the great artist Julia Cameron, nothing is wrong with bad art - "sometimes you need to make bad art, to make great art".
I knew that if I wanted to upscale my photography, it was crucial that I fall back in love with the art of photography - even if that meant trial and error.
After a series of what I call “bad art”, I created Sugar Coat - a shoot that felt like its pieces fell into place on their own. And perhaps it was just a shift of mindset - the release of expectation, of pressure, of doubt - and the immersion of doing it for the love of the art - for fun, for experimentation, and for ultimately growth - that had made the perspective of things falling into place a natural outlook.
Published in KoddMagazine
Photographer: Eldora Crystal
Stylist/Creative Director: Eldora Crystal
Jacket: KENDALL + KYLIE
Suit: La Maison Simons
Accessories: Le Chateau
Story published in KoddMagazine